Lady Macbeth imagined all the scrubbing in the world wasn't enough to remove a spot of blood from her hands and in the same way this rapidly depleting box of tic tacs seems utterly ineffective at removing the fur from my tongue that I evidently put there with the myriad of alcoholic substances I think I consumed last night. I really ought to slow down a bit at my age. Not to mention it's expensive. Perhaps I should get some sort of sponsorship from Diageo or other generous drinks conglomerate. I might actually get very rich very quickly. Alas if diageo were that kind of benefactor they would probably get very poor very quickly and we would all run out of booze, so I suppose I will have to make do sponsoring myself for the time being. Of course I could go to alcoholics anonymous and get an altogether different kind of sponsor but where is the fun in that? As a young teen I would accompany my mother to alcoholics anonymous meetings in Knightsbridge in London, terrified as I sat there holding hands with coked up rock stars with bad breath and drunk judges, repeating over and over again the mantra "Keep coming back".