Stalker / by Humperty Dumperty

I’ve always wanted one. It’s a bit of a ‘must have’ if you’re a male and over 180 lbs and can handle yourself. Unless your stalker is a male too and larger than you, in which case it’s not good. Anyway, I had a temporary stalker the other day on the train. A bright blue crushed velvet tracksuit and long impossibly black hair down to his/her waist,  that he/she stroked constantly whilst smiling at me like a cannibal might when stirring soup.  It was sufficiently disconcerting enough for me to change carriages when we stopped at the next station. It wasn’t long before he/she decided to swap carriages too and come and smile at me and stroke his/her hair in that bright blue crushed velvet tracksuit and do it from the seat immediately opposite me. Had I longer hair I might have tried stroking my hair in the same manner just for the hell of it. It would have been a synchronized hair stroking event on the train, one of us with a more nervous than carnivorous smile, mine akin to a terrified ballroom dancer.