Unicyclists are a strange breed, aren’t they. I don’t want to get sued so I’m merely expressing an opinion here but it’s an opinion based on fact, I’m sure. They are possessed of the circus gene, the desire to juggle and eat fire and cohort with midgets driving midget fire trucks. But the circus left town on these guys, crept out whilst they were sleeping one morning and left them because they were too weird even for the bearded ladies, the strong men and sword swallowers. In any event, their one man shows don’t quite have the draw of the big tent and it’s this craving for the spotlight and the applause and the roll of the drum that has them out among us, terrifying the elderly on pavements with their jerky adjustments, arms spread out like tightrope walkers and always with a face that betrays a self conscious desire to be looked at whilst pretending not to notice when people do. What could be worse? Only the progeny of a unicyclist could amplify my dislike for unicyclists. The very idea that two if them might get together physically and bring another one into the world. What a concentrate of absurdity, their creation not yet familiar with the ways of circus, dressed up in a midget fireman’s costume. What chance in life will that child unicyclist have?
Next week I will be discussing my dislike of people that juggle sand bags with their feet in union square.