A man named Bruce strode / limped casually up the drive in 84′ish and knocked on the door. He’d come to look at my father’s maserati mexico which, despite being a 1968 model, only had 25,000 miles on the clock. It had been kept in meticulous condition by my father who in turn delegated it’s upkeep to a couple of transvestite car mechanics / body restorers who went by the name of Les Girls, just off the 1-95 in Miami. I did like that car. So enter Bruce.
Bruce had a look over the car from behind his mustache and promised to buy it there and then. My father asked him about the cause of his limp. As Bruce was wearing shorts this was obviously obvious; that being that Bruce only had one leg that was real. His other leg, or pretend leg, was made of rubber and he’d decorated it with painted toe nails. Quite what a one legged man wanted with an italian sports car with a very much manual gearbox and racing clutch, one can only guess. The odds of him even getting to the bottom of the drive were not good. In any case, we never found out because he didn’t buy the car. But he did stay with us for a week, in and out of the pool, in the drinks cabinet, in the bath, the kitchen, with the dogs on the sofa etc etc. I went out on the boat one day and he came too, waving his stump at women on the beach. He loved to do that, raising it up and down so quickly that it was a blur, extolling it’s virtues with a “yeeha!”. I never quite understood his logic – how could a third of a leg be any better than a full one? Only now that I am of adult mind, do I truly understand what he was trying to convey to those girls on the beach. What an innocent view I evidently had at the age of 15. But my father was able to see, quite instantly, the entertainment value of having a one legged man at his drinks parties. “This is Bruce with one leg”, my father would say. An excellent conversation starter, if you’re ever lost for one. Bruce loved it and the more fun he was having the higher an angle he rested his leg at. A preposterous invention of a man but the world was richer in some ways because of him.